Love Relationship Advice With Love Relationship Expert Audrey Valeriani

Relationships are complicated and can end for many reasons… cheating, lying, abuse, neglect, irreconcilable differences! Whatever the cause, when a romance is over it can be devastating. You may feel as though your best friend died. Your range of emotions can take you from upset and crying to angry and bitchy to even giggly at times (which usually leads back to tears).

What’s actually happening is that you are grieving the “death” of the love relationship, and whether you like it or not, this process is usually inevitable. Although it is especially common for women to go through this kind of mourning period, a lot of women have trouble coming to grips with this kind of sudden loss. Many will obsess about their former lover, hang on to their somewhat altered memories of the way things were, and make excuses for their actions, never really getting to the root of the problems. Unfortunately for these women, once they make it through this period, they will be eager to get into another love relationship without taking the time or making the effort to examine their own behavior. This will compel them to repeat the same mistakes with yet another man – only to be disappointed once again.

Well, I’m here to tell you that whether you are recovering from a failed love relationship, feeling lonely, or just unhappy with the status or quality of your sex life, this can be a golden opportunity for you. You’ve got a chance to make a fresh start, and you should take advantage of it. Right now you can make changes that will finally stop that seemingly endless cycle of confusion and despair by improving your self-esteem! Self esteem is the foundation for success in life. How you feel about yourself has everything to do with the choices you make and the relationships you form.

My book Boot Camp For The Broken-Hearted How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love has the best love relationship advice!  It will teach you how to improve your relationships in three phases. In Phase One, you will learn how to let go of your past and bring yourself mentally and spiritually into the present. Phase Two is an examination of your current thought patters and behaviors as well as a speed course in understanding men! Finally, in Phase Three you will re-learn positive, productive and loving communication techniques and behaviors that will promote a healthier self-image, improve your relationship, help you to set and reach goals -- enrich your life! 

Has the spark left your romance?    Have you become soured toward ever finding happiness?     

Love yourself ... improve your life!    Get the best loverelationship advice!  Read On!

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The 3 Phases of Boot Camp:

(1)  PHASE ONE:  Let’s get you feeling better!  This section of the book consists of teaching you to “grieve” the loss of a love relationship or the event that just occurred.  The book takes you through all the steps involved in the emotions connected with the loss or disappointment involved, and then shows you how to get yourself back on your feet.

(2)  PHASE TWO:  Let’s figure out why this happened to you.  Here the book helps you examine your level of self-esteem which is directly related to your success in life.  How you feel about yourself affects your choices throughout your life and this section of the book tells you the important questions to ask yourself and the changes that need to be made to improve yourself and your life.

(3)  PHASE THREE:  Let’s turn that negative thinking into positive action!  Lastly, the love relationship advice contained in the book will help you learn what it is that is making you repeat the same mistakes.  It teaches you better ways of communicating, behaving and thinking that will change the way you look at yourself and others – thereby allowing you to feel free to set and achieve your goals and dreams!

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Don't forget to visit www.theaccidentalexpert.com for more

love relationship advice and self-esteem building!

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As Someone Who's Been There, I Can Help You Change Your Life

 

If you are someone who is not happy with your life because of failed love relationships, or who doesn't have any direction, or who feels lost for whatever reason, my innovative tips and advice will help you take steps to overcome your current situation and change your life. They key is to learn how to examine and improve your self-esteem -- which directs our choices in life and affects all areas of our lives -- which will improve all of your relationships, and also allow you to set and achieve goals!

 

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  Filling it with joy?   Savoring every moment?  Improving your relationships?

 

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SAY GOOD-BYE TO OLD, NEGATIVE THINKING AND HELLO TO

A NEW YOU AND AN EASIER, HAPPIER LIFE!

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MORE GREAT LOVE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE…

 

In her article How to Have a Good Relationship - The 7 Habits of Highly Effective Relationships, Carole Merritt lists what she believes is the best love relationship advice. 

 

She says, “Do you know how to have a good relationship? Many people repeat the same problems over and over in their relationships and wonder why they never succeed. This article will look at some of the habits of highly successful relationships.”

 

Here is her love relationship advice -- the “habits” necessary to a successful relationship:

 

“Habit 1 - Communicate. Communication is the foundation of every good relationship. Don't assume that... he's happy, she's fulfilled, you want kids, etc. At heart, don't assume anything. Talk about it! When you first start seeing one another, it may be all about physical attraction, but long term relationships are based on love and communication.

 

Habit 2 - Listen. Many people think that communication is telling the other person what they think. But, the truth of the matter, listening is every bit as important as talking. Listen to what your partner is telling you in words. But also "listen" to his or her tone and body language.

 

Habit 3 - Shared goals. Where do you want to be in a year? In 5 years? At the end of your life? Having shared goals is key to how to have a good relationship. If you want kids soon and your partner doesn't, you may be in for some strife. If you are on career track and your partner wants you to be home at 5:00 for dinner, there will probably be fights in your home.

 

Habit 4 - Common activities. You should do some things together. Do you both like hiking, bowling, or singing? Get involved in activities that allow you to spend time doing things together. This will cement your bond. You can even "do things" from the sidelines. If one partner enjoys softball and the other is not athletic, he or she can sit in the bleachers and cheer the team on.

 

Habit 5 - Allow space. How to have a good relationship requires that you give your partner space to pursue his or her interests too. Face it, most guys couldn't care less about scrapbooking but many women love it. Similarly, most women don't understand the joys of a day's fishing. While these may be stereotypes, you can probably identify some things in your relationship that the other person doesn't enjoy. So, give yourselves permission to pursue your passions independently just as long as you are honoring habit 4 as well.

 

Habit 6 - Learn to Give. When you first meet a woman or man, you wonder whether he or she matches your desires. It's all about "me." But, if you want the relationship to work, it's got to be about "us." And, that means learning to give. Be willing to entertain her clients even if you think they are a bore just because she needs you to. Be willing to pick up his dry cleaning even though that's a "stereotype" that you don't want to fall into - because he needs you to.

 

Habit 7 - Learn to Take - Some people are more comfortable with giving than taking. But being in a relationship means depending on the other person to complete you. So, don't be afraid of taking out of the relationship those things which your partner is willing and able to give.”

 

(Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Carole_Merritt)

 

 

 

And Emma-Louise Smith shares her love relationship advice in her article Make Your Relationship Last - Everything You Need to Know.   She explains the ways in which to maintain a good and lasting relationship are:

 

“1. Keep the love alive. It is important that you exert effort to keep that feeling that bound you together in the first place. Once in a while, the couple should do the things that sparked the relationship. If it is your common love for movies that brought you together then by all means watch movies regularly. If it is your penchant for chatting until the wee hours of the morning that kept you interested in one another then chat until wee hours of the morning regularly. In other words do not lose those things that will forever remind you of your love for each other.

 

2. Always have regular serious talks. This is one way for you to keep track of what is happening to your partner so you know when to give support or how to respond to his or her needs.

 

3. Never break the trust of your partner. It is important to keep all your promises. Do what you said you will do even if it as trivial as buying the laundry soap or as simple as coming home on time. If you make mistakes as you probably will at some point, be honest about it. Confess to your partner with a promise that you will never do it again.”

 

*The most important love relationship advice by experts includes trust and communication.

 

“4. Undergo relationship coaching. Relationships that are on the brink of crumbling down will be possibly helped by relationship coaching. Coaching helps the partners set realistic goals that they can do to save their relationship. It can also help couples increase their intimacy and help them bond closer together. But relationship coaching is not only for those with problems in their relationships. It can also help even those who are doing fine.”

 

I’ve found it’s difficult to get a lot of men to accept love relationship advice from coaches, social workers, or psychiatrists, but having a neutral, third party can be an important part of saving a crumbling relationship.

 

(http://www.answerstolove.com; Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Emma-Louise_Smith)

 

 

Teecee Go explains the simplest love relationship advice in his article The Secret to Stable Relationships. 

 

He writes, “In case there is anyone who can give people the secret to stable relationships, he or she would be rich pretty fast given the problems that people experience. However, you should not wait for some kind of magic wand to establish your relationship. There are a number of things you can do on your own in order to have a good relationship.

 

These things are fairly simple and there is really no secret involved. It is just that people tend to take them for granted. Let's take a look at some of them.

 

Love:  Although you would think that this is obvious, you will be surprised by how neglectful people usually are. Loving your spouse is very good. However, it should not stop at that. It is equally important to show your partner that you love him or her.

 

Respect:  There is really no reason for staying in a relationship where you do not value and respect your partner. If you think your spouse is some kind of a joke then you are headed for disaster.

 

Kindness:  As odd as it may seem, people tend to be kinder to strangers than the ones they are close to. Be kind to your spouse if you want a good relationship.

 

Thoughtfulness:  In everything that you do, your spouse should take a prominent place in your thoughts. All it takes are little gestures to show your thoughtfulness.

 

Honesty:  The phrase 'honesty is the best policy' has turned in a mere cliché and many people take it for granted in their relationships. Be transparent and you won't have anything to lie about.” 

 

(Article Source: http://EzineArticles.com/?expert=Teecee_Go)

 

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HEAR INTERVIEWS WITH THE AUTHOR:

Listen to author, columnist, relationship expert, freelance writer, and Board Chair of Self Esteem Boston Educational Institute, Inc. AUDREY VALERIANI talking with the famous Raven Blair Davis on Women Power Radio!  Check out www.womenpower-radio.com for details.  [The podcast is http//wprtalk.podoatic.com.]  

Listen to TheAccidentalExpert talk with WSRadio Lee Mirabal's "Your Friendly Next Door Neighbor" (syndicated); Audrey Valeriani gives her best love relationship advice and talks about the importance of self-esteem and how to improve it.  Get the best relationship advice and listen to them discuss the book Boot Camp for the Broken-Hearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love. 

Listen to Part 1: Click here to listen to Part 1

Listen to Part 2: Click here to listen to Part 2

 

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Former victim of abuse helps clients 'get rid of the fear'

The Boston Globe, May 4, 2008 

  Audrey Valeriani is a writer and a relationship coach.  

Growing up in Charlestown, MA, Audrey Valeriani literally spent her youth in darkness. With the shades drawn and television at its lowest volume, she took great care not to awaken her father as he slept the days away on the living-room couch.

Reeling from the depression and anger within her home and the bullies she encountered at school, Valeriani says, she became even more susceptible to abusive relationships after losing her mother to cancer. Her aunt, who had become a surrogate mother, succumbed to the disease a few years later. "I'm sure there were some good times, but I don't remember any," Valeriani says. "I can't imagine what my life would be like if I hadn't actively pursued improving my self-esteem and getting help. I might not even be here."

Now happily married and living in Jamaica Plain, Valeriani is an author, columnist, and relationship coach. She is not a psychologist, but mentors clients worldwide "as someone who's been there" through her website, theaccidentalexpert.com. Her recently published book, "Boot Camp for the Brokenhearted: How to Survive (and Be Happy) in the Jungle of Love," was inspired by her real-life experiences, she says. It includes anecdotes from her one-on-one coaching sessions, research, surveys, and interviews.

"Get rid of the fear holding you back and make a plan for the future," advises Valeriani, who is also the chairwoman of the board of the nonprofit Self Esteem Boston Educational Institute. "You can't move toward the right road if you're standing still."

CINDY CANTRELL

© Copyright 2008 Globe Newspaper Company, May 4, 2008.

 

 SO ARE YOU READY TO IMPROVE YOUR LIFE AND FOLLOW THE LOVE RELATIONSHIP ADVICE OF SOMEONE WHO'S BEEN THERE?

♥ take a more assertive approach to life management and relationships by ending the repetitive cycle of disappointment!

♥ set life goals that you can actually achieve!

 

BOOT CAMP FOR THE BROKEN-HEARTED as seen in

WOMAN'S WORLD MAGAZINE

February 2008 Issue 

 

 

 

Can You Recognize Emotional Abuse?

There is a difference between having disagreements with your partner and emotional abuse. If your partner is emotionally abusive to you, he may:  refuse to acknowledge the value or self-worth of others; not listen; humiliate others; ignore logic; not take responsibility for hurting others; be jealous and possessive; often see himself as a martyr or victim; and make you feel guilty for no reason.

This type of behavior by your partner can leave you feeling out of control, weak, and/or humiliated. You may feel like you have to walk on egg shells to avoid confrontation and try to have to anticipate his moods and in order to keep the relationship at peace. You may also feel pressured into having sex and confused as to where you stand in the relationship. Basically, you may feel as though you are on a roller-coaster ride of good and bad times, and often you may even feel afraid and isolated from others. Emotional abuse usually happens slowly as a relationship progresses until one day you realize what's happening and have to deal with it.

One single mother told me that while contemplating a divorce from her verbally abusive husband, her friends (at the time) told her she was crazy. They would say, "you're gonna give up that nice vehicle... you won't be able to have a house on your own." She said that she realized that her number-one responsibility was to raise her son well and "everything else was secondary." She said that today, although they live in a small apartment and she struggles with a busy schedule, she has a great job, good friends, and is much happier than before. She says, "I had to go it alone. It's so much more important that [my son] sees me happy and that I teach him that material things don't matter as much." As you can see in this example, as hard as we try to improve our awareness and self-image, when you love someone, it's easy to be blind to the existence and effects of emotional abuse.

It is important to remember that emotional abuse can also be traumatizing. When something bad happens to you, if you can't resolve it in your mind or convey its intensity to others in order to get help, it probably caused you some sort of emotional damage. Emotional abuse is also harmful to a woman's self-esteem. According to the website Thisisawar.com (an educational resource which helps people deal with illness, grief, pregnancy, debt, and other personal issues), emotional abuse can have "serious physical and psychological consequences for women, including severe depression, anxiety, persistent headaches, back and stomach problems." Other symptoms include panic attacks, irritability, emotional numbness, eating irregularities, and insomnia. So how can you determine how much damage was done to you, and how can you fix it?

Scientists now have the technology to examine the brain and read the damage caused by emotional abuse through brain scans. According to recent research, these scans reveal such a trauma actually "changes the structure and function of the brain, at the point where the frontal cortex, the emotional brain and the survival brain converge." One of their major findings was that scans of people who had experienced emotional abuse were similar in "structural and functional irregularities" to people diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder.

If you feel you are or have been a victim of emotional abuse, there is help. First, if possible, remove yourself from the abusive situation. If you can't, then you should surround yourself with a network of people -- family and friends -- who can help you cope in such an unhealthy and often dangerous situation. You should also talk to a professional who will know how to help you through analysis and counseling. Under these circumstances, a professional will help you decide the best course of action for you. Couples therapy may be an answer or you may discover that it's time for you to leave.

This brings up an interesting point. It's very difficult for a lot of women to move on. I know several women who have stayed for years with partners who were abusive, neglectful, and unfaithful. Women who say they can't leave (besides having very low self-images) usually have long-standing erroneous beliefs that keep them tied to these undeserving men. Some of these women believe that they cannot abandon their dysfunctional partners; that these men somehow need them in order to survive. Oh, really? If those men really needed them, they would fear losing them and smarten up! Some women tell themselves that their partners will change and eventually recognize their value and love. Wrong. That outlook puts off happiness and fulfillment until "someday", which is when exactly? And deep down, do they believe it will ever really happen with this man? Other women believe that they will never find another man to love them so they stay with their abusers even though they are extremely unhappy. Why? Classic low self-esteem -- even if this were true, I believe that a woman can be alone and happy (I was), which is far better than feeling miserable sharing your life with a sadistic man! Don't make these mistakes. Acknowledge your value as a person who deserves love and respect. Recognize when something is really over.

One important thing to keep in mind is that the people in your life whom you love should make your life easier and add to your joy, not take away from it. Ask yourself: are you more often upset and confused than you are peaceful and happy? If so, then something is not right, and you should remedy the situation. If world events of the last few years have taught us anything, it's not to waste a moment of life. Do what it takes to make yourself happy. Above all, be true to yourself. If you follow your heart, and you love honestly and openly, you will at the very least know that you gave your all and will have no regrets.

 [Article by Audrey Valeriani, as published]

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Still feeling broken-hearted?

Cheer up with a lighthearted look at this relationship advice!

 

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 HOW DO YOU DEFINE A SUCCESSFUL RELATIONSHIP?

 In my coaching sessions with clients, I realized that the way many people define a “successful” relationship is limited to only those that result in marriage. Well, I am here to tell you that is not necessarily the case. When you are in a relationship with someone, as you put certain things into it, you also want to get certain things out of it. You should, of course, be able to give as well as receive love and/or affection and maintain a general compatibility. However, when classifying a relationship, you should also consider its overall benefits and meaning for you. Ask yourself: at least for a time, did you have fun, laugh, enjoy yourself? Feel respected and supported? Make positive strides? Learn something about other people? About yourself?

In my opinion, if you spent a considerable amount of time with someone who touched your life for the better in some way, even if it did not end up in marriage, then you should consider it a positive experience. I believe that people come into our lives at different times for various reasons. For example, you may meet someone right before the death of a loved one, and that person may be the one who will help you through it. You may develop a relationship with someone who has an odd set of beliefs and opinions, and that person’s presence may be necessary in order for you to expand your mind and maximize your potential. You could also establish a relationship with someone who treats you better than anyone else ever has, and I believe that person was meant to raise your standards for the kind of life you make for yourself.

 Conversely, if you have a relationship with someone who turns out to be unfaithful, consider that you made contact with and had affection for another human being who ended up teaching you a valuable lesson about trust, awareness, and forgiveness. In my mind, the key to determining if a relationship was successful lies in how it impacted your life. And as long as you enjoyed yourself for a time and were able to avoid long periods of unhappiness or suffering, then I’d say you can check one off in the win column!

 I believe the goal in relationships should be to spend the moments of your life wisely and to savor every emotion. If you have established a relationship with someone who, as it turns out, is not right for you, so what? You made a connection and, hopefully, a friend. You participated in the flow of your life, made the most of the experience, and continued to move forward. Because isn’t that what our lives really are? A journey over an unknown period of time where our experiences help us to understand and grow and change ourselves and our communities as we search for meaning and happiness and answers to our questions about God and ourselves? Those are the reasons why we have relationships, why we feel love and laughter and wonder and sadness, and why we have to let go and be happy anyway.

 [Article by Audrey Valeriani, as published]

 

  Take the Self-Esteem Test

Do you get overly upset when little things go wrong?

Do you base your decisions on what you think you “should” do or on the opinions of others?

Do you find it difficult to listen to criticism?

Do you rarely speak up for yourself?

Do you often respond defensively to others?

Do you care too much about being judged by others?

Do you feel anxious or fearful in social situations?

Do you compare yourself to others?

Do you feel guilty if/when you speak your mind?

Do you hide your true feelings?

Does your fear of failing prevent you from pursuing your dreams and goals?

If you answered "yes" to one or more of these questions, then it's time to evaluate and improve your self-esteem!